Take a deep breath. We know it’s been an overwhelming few weeks and months even, with much of the media covering the tragic and untimely deaths of several celebrities, most recently of Dr. Michael Mosley. Shortly before that news, rugby fans and the MND community were left saddened at the passing of Leeds Rhino and MND campaigner Rob Burrows CBE and prior to that CoppaFeel! founder, and breast cancer campaigner Kris Hallenga. But as a nation, it’s grief that has touched our lives too, even if we didn’t know them personally, we weren’t part of their communities, or not even aware of their work – this is collective grief.
But why do we come together in collective grief? How can it help us process the sense of loss, on a collective, and a more personal level?
Understanding collective grief
Collective grief is how we describe the response of groups of people, from the same community, local area or a nation, to the death of a significant individual, or multiple deaths.
Everyone will experience grief at some point in their lives. It is a normal reaction to a loss, and how each of us processes grief will be different. But often our grief is a direct response to our relationship or interactions with the deceased; their meaning, in our lives.
Tragic events like the Aberfan disaster in 1966, where 116 children and 28 adults lost their lives, is an example of collective grief that touched so many in and around our local community, and it certainly shook many people’s sense of security. It’s in these moments where we are reminded how fragile life is; the tragedy of the event all the more poignant when we remember it happened on a Friday morning, at a school, in the Welsh Valleys.
The death of someone of cultural significance, while more removed from our everyday life experiences, can trigger a sense of collective grief when we think about the spirit they embodied.
Overcoming adversity, trailblazing or a symbol of leadership and duty like the late Queen Elizabeth II.
Collective grief can also manifest on a global scale. The generation-defining sense of loss experienced during the Covid-19 Pandemic; the death of loved ones, restrictions on our freedom, and uncertainty about all our futures, all evoked a sense of collective grief, globally. But unlike the intensity of personal grief, collective grief is shared, and while there are similarities there are also distinct differences.
How is collective grief different from personal grief?
Although sadness is a common thread in the process of grieving there are differences in the nature of the loss, and how we experience it. Collective grief mourns a shared loss, while personal grief is the loss of someone close.
- Emotion – when we experience grief as an individual it can feel intense, and is unique to us and the relationship we had to our loved one. Collective grief tends to be shared emotion. As well as the sense of loss we may also feel a helplessness or fear in relation to something that has happened
- Awareness – while personal grief can feel more intimate and private, social and broadcast media can amplify collective grief leading to a feeling of being overwhelmed.
- Indirect – collective grief usually means the absence of a personal connection. We may feel the sense of loss because of our proximity to a person or persons, or an impact they had in our lives, even an impact unbeknownst to them.
- Community – personal grief can feel very lonely; the loss of a deep or meaningful connection to an individual. Whereas collective grief can mean a shared sense of loss, a solidarity and understanding with someone else. This can ultimately help with the grieving process through a wider validation of the emotions being experienced.
But, what is it about collective grief that makes us feel so connected, as individuals, as a community, or even country?
Why do we feel a sense of connection through collective grief?
Collective grief is often triggered by a broader event, impacting more lives. Understanding aspects of collective grief can help navigate the experience. It is this connection that can provide essential support when we are in a state of grief:
- Shared values – we often identify with communities that share our values, beliefs, or cultural heritage. A tragic event that impacts that community can feel like a challenge to our own sense of security and belonging. Whether this is an attack on a minority group, or a natural disaster, this shared identity makes us more susceptible to collective grief
- Empathy – as human-beings we have an innate capacity for empathy; imagining the pain of others and having it resonate. It is this empathy that triggers a collective grief when we hear about the loss or suffering of others
- Uncertainty – during the Covid-19 Pandemic our established world order was disrupted leaving everyone feeling vulnerable, creating a sense of collective loss. The tragic loss of life that impacted so many, also led to a global collective grief.
However, coming together to mourn, organise rituals of remembrance, and providing support to one another, can provide a sense of comfort and belonging during difficult times.
There is a power in collective grief. It’s not just about shared sadness; but empathy, shared identity, and connection – coming together as a community to heal.
How to cope with grief?
Collective grief can be a good way to find support during challenging times. However you are experiencing grief it is important to remember the following:
- Acknowledge your pain – collective grief often makes it easier for the pain to be validated, but even in personal grief don’t minimise what you are feeling
- Accept that grief can trigger unexpected emotions – give yourself permission to feel the whole spectrum of emotion that can come with grief be it sadness, confusion or even relief
- Understanding the grieving process is unique to you – be patient with yourself. Healing takes time and everyone’s grief journey will be different
- Connect with others – collective grief has shown us that speaking to others, loved ones, friends or people in your community can be a great source of comfort and support
- Take care of yourself physically – grieving can be a physical, as well as an emotional process, so make sure you eat well and stay active if you can.
Collective grief can feel particularly overwhelming because it can trigger unresolved emotions from your own personal experiences of grief. Switching off the news and having time away from social media can help.
And remember, if you’re struggling to cope with grief, if it’s affecting your daily life or causing significant emotional distress, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. There are excellent and effective tools and strategies available to help manage your emotions and navigate the grieving process – you are not alone.
With You Every Step Of The Way
At Coles Funeral Directors, we understand the funeral is just the beginning of your grief journey. That’s why we wanted to create a bereavement area, to help you find the most relevant and appropriate support for organisations. At some stage of our lives, we all experience loss and it’s important to know where to turn.
If you are a Coles customer, as part of our aftercare service, we can provide you with further details on our bereavement support. And if you’re a member of our community, you can access resources directly from the Coles Bereavement Hub, or join our social media community. We share advice and support around bereavement, coping with grief and mental wellbeing.
Our Birchgrove Bereavement Hub includes:
- Bereavement Group and Counselling information
- A Bereavement and Wellness library
- An Education Programme with a dedicated children’s area
- Death Positive Events
- Funeral Planning Advice
To support you through your bereavement, we have partnered with SAIF Care to provide all our customers with free of charge professional and confidential counselling and support.